Boys Don't Knit by T. S. Easton

Author:T. S. Easton
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9781471401480
Publisher: Hot Key Books
Published: 2014-01-21T16:00:00+00:00

24th November

Dad and I were watching a recorded Great British Bake Off tonight and one of the contestants was carrying a man-bag in one of the background sequences they do.

‘What a ponce,’ Dad said.

‘Why?’ I asked, ‘Just because he has a man-bag?’

‘Not just that, look at his pointy shoes. You wouldn’t catch Jeremy Clarkson wearing pointy shoes. Or James May.’

‘Richard Hammond might,’ I said.

‘Exactly,’ he scoffed. ‘He’s a metrosexual.’

‘What’s wrong with metrosexuals?’ I asked. ‘They’re just men who look after themselves. You know, they’re comfortable with their feminine sides?’

‘Being comfortable with your feminine side is one thing, having cuddles with another bloke’s feminine side is something else.’

‘Are you saying Richard Hammond is gay?’

‘What? No, well. I don’t know, he might be.’

‘Frank Lampard probably wears pointy shoes,’ I said.

‘He bloody does not!’ Dad yelled.

‘You’re such a homophobe,’ I said.

‘I am sodding not,’ he replied, annoyed. ‘I don’t care what blokes get up to in the bedroom. The thing I don’t like is when they pretend to be girls.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You know, shoes with heels, handbags, ballet … bloody needlework! These are not things for men.’

I nodded wisely, inwardly thinking, HE MUST NEVER EVER KNOW ABOUT ME.

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